Autocorrect is white collar colonialism. Long sentences can be passive aggressive. Use ‘different from’ and never be wrong. Including a compliment with a product/service makes you quite mad. First drafts have an accuracy entitlement. Excel without colour-blocking is nudist. The generic pronoun for an organisation is ‘it’. The collective noun for Gen Y is swoop; you’re welcome. Comic sans is sans comedy. The exclamation mark is punctuation’s folliculitis: easy to pick up, hard to get rid of. And I’d know! Stationery does not stop. Like Coke Zero, Gill Sans MT is gendered. Slacks may only be worn by people suffering chronic fatigue. Blue is for correction, lead is for query and red is for women who wear zany accessories.